| I realized |
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| 03:10pm 29/05/2007 |
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after a week for deleting this account that I wouldn't be able to finish my memoir. I didn't come back to read my reader's pages. They only contact me when I say something negative. They're like many americans in this country who are only attracted toward negative aspects of society. A very small percent gives feedback to the great things. I've written many positive things on my journal, but wasn't enough to earn positive repsonses.
When I first started to write blogs, I didn't care what others thought because I needed to vent and shortly after I began, I was getting judged for things I did in my life. Sometimes it was positive, but most of all it was negative. I'm not sorry for the entrys I've written and I'm not going to write things for you to love me. If you're offended, I'm not somebody that's going to get down on his knees and ask forgiviness. To me it's hard to leave a comment on someone's page who claims im their friend when they don't talk to me or care to tell me how things are going. It's like watching a tv show and then not watching it for 3 seasons and then coming back and it's like wtf? what do i say?
For my readers that have been there since 2004, many of them stopped this and I think there's only two left and our friendships were great, but now what's the point in keeping touch? I've made a shitload of progress and I made up my decision without warning awhile ago, but these people still keep me on their lists and I don't understand why they keep me. These same people comment on my page and get mad over things. Well, delete me, it's not hard. I deleted several, but they keep coming back. What I did do was create a new livejournal account several months ago. There I can release everything and nobody reads it. It's wonderful. |
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| Farwell? |
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| 12:37pm 24/05/2007 |
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to my zero readers |
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| Live journal is dead |
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| 10:37pm 10/05/2007 |
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Don't rest in peace |
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| the only news today |
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| 10:17pm 02/05/2007 |
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So I fucked up on my history test...I deserve a bad grade for not studying harder...
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| yawn |
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| 08:53am 29/04/2007 |
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I went to bed at about 1 am and I've been up since 540am. The sun was bright and shining and it's tough to go back to sleep right away. When liz said she shaved her...I thought she actually did, but it's just a regular emo boy cut hair. it's something out of the 80s for sure. anyways, last night was fun
i saw meet the robinsons...in 3d and there's going to be a nightmare before christmas in 3d now..so it was a reall good and funny movie.
peace |
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| Update |
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| 08:51pm 27/04/2007 |
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The Indie kids are a bunch of snobs.
They complain my timing's all off.
I think timing is for stupid fucks!
Why do they think I play punk rock!
Steve Albini playing god of indie heave,
Stupid dorks keeping time in seven and eleven!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
I'm not a vegan and I have had sex,
So some hard-line kids tried to kick my ass
If you're not like them they want to clean your clock
They're nothing but a bunch of jocks!
They're anti-choice, they're facist youth,
Their songs all sound like metal tunes!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
But what about punk rock?
What about punk rock? hahahahaha
I've been told emo songs are deep,
Which translates into really weak!
All they ever do is cry,
Did something get caught in their eyes?
I just can't understand it all,
Even I don't only bawl.. boohoohoo.. be a man!
My girlfriend dumped me and I'm really really hurt...
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
They suck, you suck, they suck, you suck.....
Thank you Anti-Flag for this hilarious song.
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Some news about me? My health has been shit for about a week and half. I no longer have a sore or strep throat. I've been suffering from Chest pains and I have a doctors appointment next friday at 9am. I got a new crown and I love it because it's a white tooth and it blends in with the rest of mine. The Bulls are in the playoffs? What? The Bulls? Yep, leading the series with the heat 2-0 and are trying to pull off 3-0 lead tonight, but it's tough. I have finals basically all next week and the week after. What a joy that will be. I might post again and I might not. Take care. Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect
matt |
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| Perhaps, the last entry for awhile... |
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| 10:24pm 28/03/2007 |
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mood:  good music: DropKick - Dropkickin it
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Letters...whether they're typed or written can bring the best out of a person. It's very amazing how Jim and I since January to now have grown closer. We've lost track of the messages we have sent each other. They're not a paragraph either. It's about 3-6 pages. A lot can occur in a week's time. I wish some of my other friends were able to keep up as fast as Jim and I can. I got his letter in 2 days..that's an all new record from EIU.
Amy and I have an interesting friendship. She's there when I need her, but lately, maybe, actually for awhile I don't show that much respect or emotion towards it. That's just how I am. When I gain the trust I need...I'll have no problem expressing that. She gets her wish and I'm not going to say it anymore. Our agruments are pretty stupid. I'm going to move on from them and I hope she can too.
It sucks that Liz got stranged in Pittsburgh, but she got to see her Mom. Tomorrow, she's going to try to go to Florida again, but the shitty thing is she'll be leaving on saturday or sunday. It's a short stay.
Megan posts the most entries and I try to keep up with them all. I haven't been doing a very good job at that. I think I've grown lazy reading whoever posts entries. I look for keywords or titles. If it's interesting I'll read, but if not...sorry.
I miss talking to her and things change for a reason. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not.
Tonight in my class, we were discussing some guy's theory of leap of faith and what it meant. i think it was kargiard? A popular philosopher, but anyways I said,
"It's like taking a risk because you need to have self-trust to reach that destination or goal. Sometimes people get there whereas some never do. It can be religious if one's perception creates that image. "
Now, then we moves on to this other philosopher named nietchse. He's famous line is..."God is Dead" and my teacher asked the class why we thought he said this... I said...perhaps he took a leap of faith...an oath believing everything is going to be okay because God would guide him through his journey. He gets to the end and realizes God didn't care for him at all. God's dead. Some other classmates said, well there's opression...that's a good one. If there is God why does he or she continue to have fetishes over people getting slammed by other nations everyday?
To sum of the day, History we wrapped up world war two and began the cold war era. I earned an A plus on my test, which was on about 30 points in the great depression. I thought I bombed it, but I studied my ass off...over studied and I aced it. Politcal Science...I took a quiz/test and got an A on that tonight. And the last class of the night,....the philosophy [it's 3 subject class] i got an A on an essay we did for comparing/constrasting two theatre elements and 2 plays. It was easy shit.
I'm going to San Diego friday night...and I can't wait to relax. Free my mind and give my soul a break. It'll be a tough weekend when I come back, but the following weekend after that is EIU.
Peace and take care...my fellow readers and stalkers |
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| 02:23pm 27/03/2007 |
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Today has been a good day. American Literature went well and I got another A on a quiz. I talked with Tammi from 11-1230 and then I met up with liz at about 145 and chilled until 215. She's going to Floriday. Have fun Liz. I'm going to California. We'll be missed...but I think she'll be missed the most since my people out there are a bit more self centered. Then Amy bitched at me...what's new there? After that match I went to Psychology and I was mad the whole night and I won't go into that. Don't even feel sorry for me...it's not worth it. I found myself outside and it was hella cold...leather jacket cold. I'll probably wear that today. Others because they want to look all "fashionist" well not me. That's about it reallly for the night besides dinner, which was a meatball sanmich and fries from Connies Pizza.
However, around 1040/1113pm my somewhat...former best friend...former close friend, but still good friend James called me. He was at yet another party, or was throwing one, or at a bar. That's the only time he calls me...yep, you can see why he's been sliding down the list. It's like when he's intoxicated he talks..when he's sober he doesnt. It used to be the other way around. Sometimes both, but now it's always drunk this and drinking that. He was with his wife...they're having a baby...and more than likely they were drinking and having sex when that occured.. so if he's actually serious about it...unless the wife is aborting it, but it d oesnt seem like that's the case. when my wife is pregnant I'm giving up any kind of substances because it's not fair. plus, if im going to have a baby im not gonna be high or drunk or whatever. i dont want the baby to end up biologicaly deformed or have a mentality issue. i can see that happening to his kid...the dude is an alcoholic...he's gotten alcohol poisoing at least 2 times and haven't learn his lesson yet. 22 years old...in the marines..married for 2 and halfs years...has a kid on the way..and he's going to Iraq. he better start thinking..otherwise..yep you guessed it. im not trying to be mean...just being rational about the whole thing...
this was updated at 523am 3/28/07 |
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| News |
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| 11:32am 25/03/2007 |
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music: Dropkikc - She's mine
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Did you know by 1945 we had 3 million members in the united states usaf and army alone? And 2 million in the marines...navy etc. That's incredible...compared todoy we barelly have 1 million total. I mean that was quite impressive and even though there was a draft majority of the people favored the war. Today, we don't need that many troops and I can understand why. Also, it's nice to know we're the shit in technology because of the weapons we have. That's all we need to fight wars. talk about star wars or the terminator..i wish I would be around when those times come.
So the UN is like okay Iran no more nukes,..i didnt really read up on this because..the UN is a fucking failure. it doesnt solve shit. iran is still gonna make nukes and test shit like we do all the time.
It's going to be 80 IN CHICAGO TOMORROW..thats what the news said. but ya never know it might just be in the high 70s...
it's going to be one long ass week. i actually have to buy a philosophy book for class...i didnt think i'd need it, but turns out i do..fuckin fuck.anyways,
what else is there to say? there's a movie called the married gentlemen, which is being filmed next to my building and around the nieghborhood. it just started filmiing and it's based in chicago. it supposelly comes out in christmas...it stars russell crowe and micheal keaten...keaten directs it..i saw keaten yesterday...with bodyguards, but good times... movies always occur in chicago. it's a much more BEAUITIFUL city unlike fucking nyc and la..fuck those places..chicago is underrated for good movie spots ,but i like it..
that's that...peace |
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| 10:32pm 24/03/2007 |
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Extremely busy day...and night. peace |
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| 12:44pm 22/03/2007 |
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bad dreams suck... |
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| 10:20pm 21/03/2007 |
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I got Dropkick's new album today, aka Jim...I know some of you added him on myspace because I said, but don't really take his music seriously because it's "hip hop" and you're just ignorant toward that music. He's more post-hiphop, but anyways back to the album. I haven't listened to it yet Jim. It's added to my itunes already, but i think tomorrow after class I'll give it a good listen. then I'll just tell what i think about each song.
Today was horrible. Tonight dragged. My highlight? I didn't have fun, but i made highlights in other lives =D.
I kicked Amy'ass in pool :D.
goodnight.. |
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| Fuck this man... |
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| 02:15pm 21/03/2007 |
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I need smoething to take away this pain..anything...drugs...words...knives...ropes...just it wont go the fuck away . |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| It's raining its pouring the old woman is snoring... |
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| 07:59am 21/03/2007 |
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I got this modzilla the other day. It's nice. It's not so bad afterall. It feels good that I have someone in my life to love and care for me so much. We all have that one person that comes out on top of anybody else. Today, I will send out my taxes. I have to write an essay once I get back on anarchism, socialism, and communism and how this all ties in to militias and whatever. I've had two weeks to work on it, but I kept forgetting. It's due at 530. I'll get it done. 2 pages...I can do this. I'm going to skip a lot of bullshit. and just like bing bing and bing. booyah and get mah A. I have to turn in an essay tonight because i didnt go to my hum class...i get a letter grade off cuz it's late. Bad matt. I started this new half of the semester bad. It's only been a week but still. I have to get my ass into gear again. Amy is mad at me, but that's okay with me. I have a history test today and IM fucking paranoid about it because it's 3 parts...2 essays 1 indentifcations part, however professer ruggeri only picks 1 essay and it's hella random. i hope it's on ww1 and no the fuckin depression because that's a weakness in my blood and if i get it..which i know i will since i dreampt about it all night...im gonna get scrwed. i know pieces of it..it's just so complexed...peace |
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| 10:11pm 20/03/2007 |
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mood: loved
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I love you so much Matt. You have no idea how happy it makes me to go to bed everynight and sleep better because I know that i have you and love me :) - tammi |
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| 11:13pm 18/03/2007 |
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:) |
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| 10:05pm 18/03/2007 |
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I've broke promises. I've kept them. I've got secrets. I've lied. I've caught liars. Bottom line I'm an average guy with a hidden gift, which symbolizes who i am as a person, friend, or lover. It's a good characteristic of mine that is underrated. I think it should be recognized, but I'm not going to exploit it.
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earlier tonight, I found out Jim is staying home the weekend Amy and I head down to eiu. i'm more excited now than i was an hour ago. i did tell amy that'd I'd come with her to get a tattoo that she didn't want her parents to know about. i began to think to myself...i dont get to see jim as often as she gets to see her best friend carolyn. so i made a statement..a lil harsh..a lil rough..jim's more important than getting a tattoo that's just going to scar you for life. [tattoos are too mainstream and i have a scar i cant erase.] tattoo covers it, but it's still there. i'm mr. anti-tattoo. plus, i don't want hepitius C or any disease. if you want your tattoos any of you..go right ahead...im sure they look amazing on you, but it's not my style. i think they look bad on a lot of people and that's not anything new. then amy got mad and put up an away msg directed toward me. she got upset too fast, but maybe i went to far. she tells me she understands and i hope she does. she'll still see me down at eiu, but she sees me more than anybody else. i need some space. she's got friends..i got friends...we're cool. ------------------- Liz told me NOT to see Dead Silence...therefore, I won't. ------------------------- California soon...less than 1 0 days away woohoo. Basically, I'm going to relax..i need to relax. im stressed all the time from school..then i get that one friday and its liike yayyy..then work blehh..and the cyle repeats. i have my big gaps, but im usually doing work for school..or looking for a summer internship. occasionally, i nap. im not gonna go crazy and drink the whole time...it's gonna be a good week with my sister and todd. ------------------------------- ugh..i dont know what to wear tomorrow. i hate deciding. i wish i had school uniform again. ours were tight though back in high school. we'll see..
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| 09:33pm 18/03/2007 |
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I'm taking away my dad's privileges to drink alcohol with the help of my mom. His martini and glass of wine he flipped out tonight. It happens all the time when he has his two drinks. I was talking about something I learned in my psychology class that related to alcohol and get made over the freaking book. I think he should be sober for awhile. Everybody in the family can...or has at one point, but he can't. Least when I drink...I'm cool about it and I'm not an ass. I know my limits, but I haven't seen him drunk before. |
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| Irish Day |
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| 10:31pm 17/03/2007 |
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Good times for those who are full blooded Irish or protestant irish...whatever. I don't care for the holiday that much..even though im like a few percent irish in me. I like the FOOD! so...that's that. i was gonna hang with amy and scott in chicago, but they decided not go come out. It's fine. I watched the Departed with my folks. it's a great movie with some actual "acting". what's acting? haha. . go buy or rent that film. it has a wonderful cast to begin with. im watching jackass..im tired. i been tired since 6pm..it's the food man..and beer. slows the body down. i been sober for awhile...3 hrs or so...anyways,, to my readers...take it easy. |
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| Megan Rocks |
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| 04:06pm 15/03/2007 |
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 Mess with her and she'll blow your brains out haha..woo |
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soadcubsfan1985's journal